What the Hell

Wednesday, August 5th, 8:15 pm. Long day of work, long day indeed. After today's mess, the least you would hope for is to be, in this life or another, rewarded, someday, somehow.
As I make my way through the crowd on the subway platform, I see the 6 train instantaneously approaching. It rarely happens. 'See?' I tell myself, 'the reward (as little as it can be, although not on NY standards) was not that far after all!'. OR I thought that it was a reward...
Still not being able to deal with the fact that the 6 train will be MY train now (everything UES-bound makes me itchy), I rush to sit down and try to focus on the book I'm currently reading.
As the train approaches Astor Place - an area that for some reason I believe has a lot to do with the city's ghost population, or maybe it's just a spooky name - I hear a voice. And no, not one of those voices I'm usually the only one to hear. It grows louder and louder, to the point that I just can't really pretend anymore to be fully involved with my book. "The Good Jesus has died for YOUR sins! You must fear God!!! If you don't obey to the Sweet Lord's law, you will ROAST in HELL!". Wait-a-second! ROAST?!?! I had no clue that Hell was actually located inside BBQ Dallas' basement kitchen! Then what do we have all this Google Earth crap for if it can't even point out secret stuff like this?! Who cares about China secret nuclear stations anyway!?
I have the feeling that refusing to take one of the 50+lbs pamphlets that the voice's owner is trying to distribute would fall into the "not obedient to the Lord's law" category, therefore I shall get ready to ROAST in Hell as amusingly predicted.
And according to the voice (I'm having a pretty hard time here finding a different name for it, since this dude is all covered in facial hair or beard, and the letters on his "FEAR GOD" t-shirt are way too big to keep you focused on his face anyway), that must be happening pretty soon, too, given that he is hurrying us up to be sorry for our sins and save our poor miserable souls.
Regardless, after a day like the one that just went by, I think I'll just go ahead and buy myself some nice expensive Worcestershire sauce. If I have to roast, I'd better taste pretty damn good!